Seeking but not finding

Hello. It’s me. I’ve been gone for quite a while, not sure how long, ┬ábut long enough for people to forget me, I imagine.

Things have been rough, hence my absence. It’s strange. In spite of the fact that I like to write, and find that I can help me, the problem is that when I am overwhelmed with life struggles I can’t put a coherent sentence together.

2016 has been a very, very, very difficult year. Bad years have come before but this one….THIS ONE, has raged where others have only roared.

Loss. Deep, unfathomable loss, has been the theme this year. The kind that rips your heart and soul apart, leaving the pieces scattered like fallen leaves. It came in waves…1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

The death knell sounded five times. Five. Times. Five messages. He’s dead. The baby is gone. He didn’t make it. She was killed. He’s passed away….

All death is awful. Any word of the last moments of a family member or close friend is painful. However, among this group of five was one that has left me dumbstruck. My brother-in-law. Quite frankly, he as no “in-law” to me, as our relationship was so much like blood brother and sister. I knew him as a teenage boy when I married his brorher, and I watched him grew into a handsome man. I won’t bother to go over his virtues. It sounds too much like an obituary. Suffice it to say he made a huge impact on the space he occupied.

He was 35.That’s not nearly enough time here on earth to warrant being taken away. And I keep trying to find an answer to the question WHY. I haven’t received one, or at least not one that satisfies my aching heart, my broken soul.

 

 

 

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Breakthrough

Although it’s not something I advertise, I’ve told a few people of my anxiety issues. It’s not new, I’ve been struggling with anxiety my whole life.

I’ve been working on ways to try and work through it, since overcoming seems a daunting task at this stage. Quite often I’ll back out of certain situations because I just don’t feel like I can face the people who will be there.

Yesterday I accepted a challenge. I’d been invited to a book club meeting, by someone I’ve known for since childhood but haven’t seen for years. I contemplated backing out, going over a plausible list of excuses in my head. I discussed it with a good friend who understands my situation and she encouraged me to face the fear head on.

I’m pleased to say that once I got there and just relaxed it went well; I’ll probably go back another time.

I’m proud of myself. I may not be where I’d like to be but last night takes me one step closer.

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Take with a grain of salt lol!

Check out @midnight’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/midnight/status/616331884117667840?s=09

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Lakeside

Every Canada Day, my daughters and I go down to the lakeside. We love to wade in and hang out in the summer sun. While they use their imagination playing with sticks and rocks and logs, I mill along the sandy shore, taking pictures and look for lake glass. Alas, there has been a lot of stormy weather lately, and it washed up quite a bit of debris on the beach. In any case, we made the most of it, and I got a few good shots.

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HAPPY CANADA DAY!

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In the night sky

http://sweet-mz-g.tumblr.com/post/122813161276/full-moon-up-above

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Make a joyful noise!

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