Learning To Expect The EXPECTED

When I first started this blog page (about a year and a half ago??), I was going through a change. I was trying to come out of the darkness, trying to find myself within the costume I wear. As a mom, friend, daughter, wife, I was everything I was supposed to be, but nothing like what I wanted to be. Coming in here to jot down my musings for the whole world to see, was my way of voicing my hopes, fears, random opinions. And by doing that, my aim was to get one step closer to the true me.

One thing I’ve always had trouble with, from childhood, was change. Sudden changes make me anxious. I won’t bother to get into the whys and wherefores, suffice it to say that I kinda lose mah shit. The shift can be something as simple as having a two events to attend on the same day (Oh, the hard life of a social butterfly!!), to larger issues like conflicts with friends.

See, the problem is that I have high expectations for people around me, the same expectations I have for myself. I know what I want from a friendship and in turn I require the same thing from those around me. And there, as Hamlet said, is the rub. Because what I expect is not what others consider putting out. It’s been a rough couple of years, coming to terms with this fact, and BY NOW I should be well seasoned, with a harder shell than an armadillo. Or a peanut M&M. Which clearly isn’t that hard if I can bite it. But I digress…

Just recently, very recently, like this week recently, it’s happened again. Friends doing things that I didn’t expect them to do, doing what they said they wouldn’t do, and here am I pacing the halls like Hamlet (it’s what you do while you ponder!). I’m stunned! I’m reeling from the shock! I’m upset, devastated and wondering what to do!! Then it hits me, V8 style: How could I NOT see this coming?!? I mean seriously this is nothing new. I don’t know how long before I realize that people are more often than not apt to let you down. One would like to believe it’s unintentional, tho sometimes it is. Disappointment is part of life. High time I learn to expect it.

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About Bella

I've reached my 40's with a few battle scars, but I'm still in one piece so I guess that's something to be thankful for. Married for a long time...well, what passes for long compared to many of my other friends. Almost 20 years. 3 kids: a teen and two tweens. Heaven help me! There's a lot about me to know but I always think that others won't find me interesting, isn't that sad? Writing is my passion. It's an outlet; it's a way to filter my world and the experiences I have. Blogging was a foreign concept to me when it first came out. But I GET IT now. It's therapeutic to unload. It's fun to read about the experiences of others. This is my way of meeting and greeting, overcoming the obstacles of time and distance. My hope is that you will stop and read my blog. That you will enjoy what I have to say, and we can have a chat. You're welcome anytime!
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