Reality bites

Sunday. The last day of the weekend. Back to work tomorrow.

I had a really great time galavanting about town with my family this past week, and now the fun has come to am end, it’s reality check time. I must admit to feeling a deep sadness. My feelings aren’t simply because my vacation time is over, though. No, it goes deeper than that.

I was once a stay at home mom, for about 10 years. I’d worked before but having my second and third child back to back rendered the choice between going back to work and staying home a fairly obvious one. Returning to work meant daycare for our 3 children. Daycare is expensive, especially in the Infant room. One of our two paycheques would go straight to the daycare centre and that made no financial sense to us. We weighed the pros and cons and it was decided that I would stay with the kids.

It was not an easy road to take, just in case someone out there is saying, “Oh how nice for you!” Being a SAHM is no walk in the park, I assure you, especially with 3 children aged 4 and under. As well, to help make ends meet my husband periodically had to take a second job, so I was alone quite often from morning til night. Yes, you love your babies but being alone with them for hours, with little to no adult interaction  can get to you. On top of that I suffered from post-partum depression as many women do. It was a very difficult time.

But I got through it, with help from family, hubby’s and mine. As the kids got older it got a little easier, though each stage of childhood has it’s ups and downs. Crying and babbling becomes talking…non stop chatter. Crawling becomes walking and hyper-vigilance on your part, to ensure no one gets into anything dangerous or falls down the stairs (both have happened). And then one day, before I was truly prepared, I had to make my way back into the work force.

To be honest, I had no real reason to stay home anymore: the kids were all in school full time, my son was old enough to stay with the girls / before and after school.  There were no babies at home who needed constant care, and living on one income was becoming difficult.  No one tells you that the bigger your kids get, the more they need and want. I thought infants required a lot,  HA! It’s nothing compared to the list of things tweens and teens need.

So here I am, two and half years out in the world. My kids are bigger, and to some extent more responsible. They are relatively self sufficient, and that makes me proud. Before heading out to look for work I prepped them: taught them how to do laundry, make breakfast, run the dishwasher. I told them that Mamma going out to work means everyone needs to pitch in at home. I feel confident in the knowledge that if hubby and I had to leave them for a few days they would be OK.

But in my heart, deep down within me, there are times when I feel bad that I’m not home in the mornings or after school. I work in a daycare centre, and it often hits me hard  that while I’m spending 8 hours a day feeding, changing, teaching other people’s children, mine are at home fending for themselves. But it is what it is, I guess.

Still, after a week of sun and fun and laughter with my ‘babies’, going in to work will be very hard in the morning.

Thanks for stopping by! 🌸


About Bella

I've reached my 40's with a few battle scars, but I'm still in one piece so I guess that's something to be thankful for. Married for a long time...well, what passes for long compared to many of my other friends. Almost 20 years. 3 kids: a teen and two tweens. Heaven help me! There's a lot about me to know but I always think that others won't find me interesting, isn't that sad? Writing is my passion. It's an outlet; it's a way to filter my world and the experiences I have. Blogging was a foreign concept to me when it first came out. But I GET IT now. It's therapeutic to unload. It's fun to read about the experiences of others. This is my way of meeting and greeting, overcoming the obstacles of time and distance. My hope is that you will stop and read my blog. That you will enjoy what I have to say, and we can have a chat. You're welcome anytime!
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