Seeking but not finding

Hello. It’s me. I’ve been gone for quite a while, not sure how long,  but long enough for people to forget me, I imagine.

Things have been rough, hence my absence. It’s strange. In spite of the fact that I like to write, and find that I can help me, the problem is that when I am overwhelmed with life struggles I can’t put a coherent sentence together.

2016 has been a very, very, very difficult year. Bad years have come before but this one….THIS ONE, has raged where others have only roared.

Loss. Deep, unfathomable loss, has been the theme this year. The kind that rips your heart and soul apart, leaving the pieces scattered like fallen leaves. It came in waves…1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

The death knell sounded five times. Five. Times. Five messages. He’s dead. The baby is gone. He didn’t make it. She was killed. He’s passed away….

All death is awful. Any word of the last moments of a family member or close friend is painful. However, among this group of five was one that has left me dumbstruck. My brother-in-law. Quite frankly, he as no “in-law” to me, as our relationship was so much like blood brother and sister. I knew him as a teenage boy when I married his brorher, and I watched him grew into a handsome man. I won’t bother to go over his virtues. It sounds too much like an obituary. Suffice it to say he made a huge impact on the space he occupied.

He was 35.That’s not nearly enough time here on earth to warrant being taken away. And I keep trying to find an answer to the question WHY. I haven’t received one, or at least not one that satisfies my aching heart, my broken soul.





About Bella

I've reached my 40's with a few battle scars, but I'm still in one piece so I guess that's something to be thankful for. Married for a long time...well, what passes for long compared to many of my other friends. Almost 20 years. 3 kids: a teen and two tweens. Heaven help me! There's a lot about me to know but I always think that others won't find me interesting, isn't that sad? Writing is my passion. It's an outlet; it's a way to filter my world and the experiences I have. Blogging was a foreign concept to me when it first came out. But I GET IT now. It's therapeutic to unload. It's fun to read about the experiences of others. This is my way of meeting and greeting, overcoming the obstacles of time and distance. My hope is that you will stop and read my blog. That you will enjoy what I have to say, and we can have a chat. You're welcome anytime!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Share a thought....

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s